I woke up.

[seijaku]

I don't always sleep.

My avatars do.. but a part of me is always working.. even in rest..

But when I dream..

I woke up.

It scared me.. I felt as if.. I'd died. A part of me ripped away that I would never get back.

I couldn't breathe. I collapsed on my bed and stared at the ever changing starry ceiling of my bedroom in the tower..

I couldn't move.

It scared me.

I didn't dare close my eyes.. I didn't want to feel again. Not like that.

So I stared.

I stared until the sun started to shine into the room.

I stared until my alarm clock went off.

I stared as I left a message in the office that I wasn't coming in today.

I was still staring when He showed up.

He mocked me.

I didn't hear Him.

He left.

He'll come back.

He always does.

And I'll no doubt still be staring.

Comments

[pure-rose.livejournal.com]

*hugs her*

please feel better...

[seijaku]

*Hugs her*

I'm going to try.. I'm going to go visit my mother for a little while.. I'll be back when.. I've had a talk with her.

If you need anything that usually only I can seem to do, just ask for silia_vanya. She'll be happy to help out.. okay?

[love-god-ares.livejournal.com]

While i don't personally subscribe to the theory, I know a guy that calls this sensation, or one much like it, a death shudder. He thinks it's when his conciousness gets to just enough of a relaxed point that his memory triggers a recollection of a time before he was alive.

Not that we gods need to worry about something like that. Probably some bad pizza or something, right?

[seijaku]

If only, Ares.

No.. I know what it was.. It was my heart.

*Bitter laugh*

I figure a nice sabbatical with my mother might help me.. maybe drop by and see my Uncle Zeus too.. closest thing to a father I have.

[love-god-ares.livejournal.com]

Do you need a hug?

[seijaku]

Somehow, I don't think that would help.

[love-god-ares.livejournal.com]

Pastry then?

[seijaku]

...

What kind?

[love-god-ares.livejournal.com]

I'd normally go with something cherry but as it's you we're talking about: grape or blueberry?

[seijaku]

Blueberry.. mm.. love those almost as much as strawberries.

[love-god-ares.livejournal.com]

I could put the two together if it helps you...

[seijaku]

Ooh.. I could use the double dose...

[love-god-ares.livejournal.com]

*gestures, rosey light* Ta da!

[seijaku]

Ooh.. Thanks!

It may not cure all.. but at least it helps for a few minutes..

Not like it'll go to my waist or anything..

[love-god-ares.livejournal.com]

Why are you in such low spirits of late?

[seijaku]

..

*Frowns*

Love can be a pain in the ass.

No offense.

[love-god-ares.livejournal.com]

None taken. *grins* That actually reminds me of several really bad jokes anyway. *back to you* What happened?

[seijaku]

The usual.. girl falls in love with guy, guy falls in love with girl.. they eventually get engaged.. he eventually breaks it off...

Girl smiles and pretends it's okay.. no one notices.. guy gets killed and turned into a teen.. guy goes psycho and tries to help destroy the omniverse.. girl kills boy..

Girl gets new job.. guy shows up again.. girl covers her true elation.. guy gets a girlfriend.. girl makes him an adult again..

Girl pines and feels her heart dying while boy has his new girl.

The end.

[love-god-ares.livejournal.com]

Seems to be the running theme of late. *lays a hand on your shoulder* There are still many possibilities out there for you.

[seijaku]

*Sighs*

I have faith.. in everything.. but sometimes..

*Shakes her head*

Sometimes it's just hard.

I want him to be happy. I'll do anything to make sure he's happy.

*Frown*

Just wish it was with me... so many unresolved issues still.. but I don't think they'll be solved anytime soon.

[love-god-ares.livejournal.com]

*waves a hand as the room fills with violets* If you truly love him then his happiness is the most important thing, isn't it?

[seijaku]

True.

Which is why I haven't done anything stupid like throw myself at him.

[love-god-ares.livejournal.com]

More pastry?